“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
How stoned are you right now?
Was that a fucking pun?
im sorry if ive ever told you the same story twice its just that i dont have an interesting life and cool things rarely happen to me
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
When I was in fifth grade I realized I liked girls but I was like “that’s a problem for another day” and literally forgot about it and then in like eleventh grade I was like “oh my god”
YOU PROCRASTINATED REALIZING YOUR SEXUALITY THAT’S IT YOU WIN YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF THE PROCRASTINATORS i bow to you
- Interviewer: what's your favourite lyric from your latest album?
- Rian: "everyone's gettin kinda drunk, I think some dude just grabbed my junk"
- Alex: yeh, that one was deep, I cried writing it
I think everyone knew a weird girl obsessed with horses when you were growing up
if you didn’t know a horse girl
you probably were the horse girl
It’s frightening how true this is.
I was that horse girl.
my sister and I were the horse girls, her more than me
2 years ago I saw a group of middle school aged Buddhist boys in orange robes who had shaved heads and a little boy saw them and said “Look, Mom! Airbenders!” and at first they laughed but then they told him that they were Airbenders but they weren’t allowed to airbend in public and it was pretty much the greatest thing I’ve ever seen
Ke$ha’s real voice
Living proof that Hollywood kills talent.
WHY DAFUQ WOULD SHE HIDE THIS FROM US?
WHAAAAAAAT
Saw this so long ago but it’s unbelievably relevant. Not just Hollywood, but many record companies that force their will on the artists that are actually really good.
Last year me and my bestfriend decided we are going to have this song played at our funerals. <3
Something I’ve never noticed before:
Snape not only deflects McGonagall’s attack but uses it to take down Alecto and Amycus in a single armwave behind his visual field. Like they both had their wands out too but BOY they did not see that coming. Snape knew that he needed to get rid of them before being driven out of the castle so that they wouldn’t harm any of the students GOD what a badass motherfucker
DAMN SNAPE DAMN
- Dentist: *stabs you in your chest*
- Dentist: You're bleeding because you don't floss.
